I’m really hungry. I haven’t eaten since 7:00. I shouldn’t be up this late. I just got back from Calvin’s room. Sam was going to bed early, so I went to his room to brush my teeth and stuff. I ended up staying there for like an hour and a half with him and his roommate. There was lots of laughter. There always is with them. I ended up making Chris’s bed because I wanted him to have something nice to come home to later after his night of drinking. Then I ate some gross cheesecake that Calvin’s neighbor gave him. I brushed my teeth a second time, and promptly put my retainers in to prevent myself from consuming any more food.
I’m in my bed now. It’s quiet. It’s not normally this quiet in the hall. There aren’t even any sirens blaring down Madison or 12th like there usually are. Sitting here in the darkness is soothing…it provides a comfort that I can’t explain. Almost like a womb-esque cocoon, I feel most secure when enveloped in this blackness.
A siren just went off. It immediately reminded me of a coyote howling…Wow. I used to fall asleep listening to coyotes howl, and elk bugle. I used to be able to see the stars every night of the year. I don’t remember really, what that was all like. I know that I’ll appreciate it once I’m back.
The places in me that once were brimming with silence and solitude have been replaced with the consistency of people and noise. I’ve noticed that sometimes when I do find myself alone, loneliness consumes me. It’s odd. I’ve grown so used to being constantly surrounded by everything, I don’t know what to do with the nothingness that I used to treasure so much.
. . .
It’s 2:47. I have an Exam to study for tomorrow. As well as a concert to go to. Not to mention, I am more tired than I care to let on.
I just had a dream that I was sitting on my bed eating cereal with Daniel Radcliffe, and he was telling me that he wasn’t actually friends with Emma Watson and Rupert Grint, just that they were stuck up snobs with cool accents whom he didn’t like very much.
We then laughed about how silly the celebrity life is, and we continued to chat as the day passed us by. His eyes were icy blue and he smelled like happiness.